Fourth Draft of Script

The aforementioned redrafting of the script is finally complete. Those of you who have kept a keen eye on my script drafting will notice that beforehand I made only slight changes between each draft. However, this time there is quite a bit of overhaul. Below is a categorised list of everything that has been changed in the re-draft and why. The re-draft of the script can be found at the bottom, both in rough and official forms. The new script was produced using Celtx, a pre-production media software, to make the script look more sophisiticated and professional, as well as saving time.

The re-draft was made using Celtx scripting software

Changes to:

Characterisation

  • I thought the problem of Louise acting intentionally vindictive was still present to an extent in the third draft. The re-draft has made her character more softer and anything seen to be vindictive could be taken as toungue-in-cheek. She also has fewer lines, leaving less room for vindictiveness.
  • All the characters’ personalities and traits come through clearer in the re-draft. Miranda is presented as more intelligent and career-focussed, Ellen is presented as a bit more head-strong and Louise is softer, as mentioned.

Dialogue

  • The dialogue has been changed so it is more youthful and conversational. This has been done by loosening grammar and making sentences shorter. Whilst no specific slang has been used, the language used is definitely more realistic.

Tone

  • The tone and dialogue go hand-in-hand. The changing to sentence structure and content has allowed ofr mor youthful expression to take place when the lines are read.
  • Some scenes also now have a specific tone to them. For example, the second scene now has a more joking, relaxed tone, obviously until the pregnancy is revealed.

Relevance

  • In order to keep audience confusion to a minimum, anything not connected to the main script has been removed. This is not true for the beginning of each scene, where irrelevant speech takes place, so it makes the script more conversational.
  • Fewer broader topics of conversation also means inaccuracy with age appropriate speech is limited.

Timings

  • Because more has been removed from the script than added, the timings for each scene are now more realsiitc, meaning the whole film should fit comfortably into five minutes.

Fourth Drafts:

The Season to be Jolly Basic Fourth Script

The Season to be Jolly Official Fourth Script

Next Steps:

Seeing as this is my fourth draft of the script, clearly I don’t have as a much of a knack for scripting as I thought and my opinion probably clearly differs from that of my audience, meaning further audience research is necessary to ensure the script is suitable.

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